A Case for Independent Play!

We all know babies taught to "walk" before they can crawl, and sit before they can roll - who reach toddlerhood having never been allowed to reach physical milestones at their own pace.  As a way of organising my ideas about what I think can then create a cycle of supporting a baby in an unnatural position, and therefore having a baby you can never put down...and need to support in an unnatural position...and can't put down, I drew a diagram!  The artistic skills are appalling, but I think it gets the concept across.  None of the ideas come from me originally - they are attributed to the very great Janet Lansbury!

A Plea From a Teacher

Give your child a childhood.

As a teacher, I've taught some amazing children.  Some with incredible brains for maths, four year olds who could write for pages in perfect, grammatical sentences.  But more and more, I'm teaching children with wonderful writing, wonderful spelling, wonderful grammar, and nothing at all to say.

They haven't been outside, they haven't had opportunities to be bored.

And it's nobody's fault - as parents, we feel a responsibility to entertain our little ones.  We place our infants in devices and contraptions so they can see us at all times, we rattle toys, blow bubbles, take them out to the park and shops, to keep them entertained.  We put them in front of the TV, or hand them an iPad to give ourselves a break, feeling that incredible guilt that only comes with parenthood, because we feel like we've failed when we see them cry, or feel frustrated.

As a result, these children come to school never having rolled down a grassy bank, never having felt the burning of quickly warmed hands after hours playing in the rain or snow, never having made a den from a cardboard box, or a sword from a cardboard tube.  They haven't been bored enough to foster an imagination, they haven't been left to argue with siblings for long enough to learn empathy.  They haven't been allowed to struggle for long enough to find out what it takes to persevere.  They lack drive, passion, humility, and a sense of humour.

So allow your child to be bored.  Tutoring him after school, providing constant entertainment at home, taxiing him to endless activities, or putting him in front of a screen cannot prepare him for the world he'll enter.  Don't prioritise his happiness right now - look to the long term.

Send me a child with an imagination.

Open Minded Motherhood

Times change. When mum had me, she sought advice from her book on pregnancy and childcare, from family, friends, neighbors and colleagues, and from healthcare practitioners.  Her parenting style was very similar to the way she’d been raised herself.  In the thirty years since then, parenting is virtually unrecognizable.  I seek advice from the same sources as mum did years ago, but I choose from thousands of books, medical research and practice have developed, and due to changes in our society my friends, neighbors and colleagues don’t all share my upbringing and culture – they come from all over the world.

And then there’s the Internet – a community to whom you can ask any question, confess any fear, be completely honest, safe in your anonymity.  The people who are just as pregnant as you, or have a baby of the exact same age, and are awake in the dead of night when everyone in your real world is fast asleep.

This new world of parenting has benefits and downsides – we are more invested in our children, which can be both good and bad.  And for mum, and women I know of a similar age, I think it can be disconcerting when we don’t follow their suggestions.  Since being pregnant, “We never did that when we had you…” has been a phrase I’ve heard at least a few times a week.  

And a tried and tested methods have their place – plenty of mum’s common sense suggestions makes so much sense.  But in our society, there’s no real reason to use one set of advice.  What works for my baby could be something recommended by my family, or it could be a suggestion from the health visitor, or via the internet from a woman in her forties living in Ecuador…or a teenage mother from Thailand.

Yes, you did things differently in your day, but until someone can present me with a perfect baby, there’s no reason to take one set of rules and advice.  With an open mind, if I mix and match and take a few risks, I can muddle through and create a new set of tips that work for my child.

My Baby Girl is Huge!

My baby girl is huge!  All day, it’s her and me, at the park, at the shops, in the café, on the sofa, we’re partners in crime from dawn to dusk.  Our days start bright and swathed in positivity and hope, hope of naps to be had, nursing to satisfy, and we tumble together, getting ever more chaotic, faster and louder into the evening, a giant snowball of smiles, coos, cries, nappies and bottles.

Her smiles are there for me in HD – I spend time in awe of how beautiful and perfect she is, not wanting to break the spell until she does.  Her screams come in surround sound, echoing through me like no noise ever has.  I’m so aware of the way I am parenting her – each action feels like it could have huge repercussions, on today, tonight and way into the future.  Am I feeding her too much?  Is she sleeping too little?  Anxieties and frustrations are a part of each day too.  Everything she does is huge and intense and takes all of my effort and focus to understand and respond to.  I’m so trapped in our bubble.

People tell me when we’re out to treasure these precious moments while she’s still so tiny and young, and I look at them, aghast at their misconceptions.  My baby girl is huge!

When my husband comes home, he takes her into his arms, leaving me blinking and reeling from the day we’ve spent, unable to convey to him with words even half of what went on.  And when I see her curled on his chest, blinking back at me, breathing the smells of his shirt – the smells of work, and other adults, and cities, things that remind me of the life outside, and things she’s never seen, I realise how tiny she really is.  It gives me some perspective.

It teaches me the importance of putting her down, stepping away and just looking at her, just for a few seconds each day.  My baby girl is tiny, and everything she experiences is huge and intense.  But it doesn’t always need to be the same for me.  When I appreciate this, I can do my job.  I can have perspective where she can’t, I can try to put away some of my anxieties, and I can soothe her from her chaos back to calm.

Blame it on Pinterest

I wanted the perfect Pinterest wedding, more than our budget could cater for...so I made it myself.  I taught myself to sew, and draw, and use Photoshop.

Here are the results!
All of the photos were taken by Jo Bongard, a photographer based in London.  I can't recommend her work highly enough, and she's an all round lovely person too!  It felt like a friend was taking the pictures :)  Check her amazing work out here.

Labels for sweetie jars 

I taught myself to sew in order to make the dresses I wanted.

Wooden table numbers painted peach and dry-brushed with cream.

We used a punch for the name cards.

I made the petticoats using (a lot) of net!

I used satin for the sashes.  One dress pattern was used for the 

bodice of the dress, and I created my own pattern for the circle

skirts using an online calculator like this one.

We made the little birds with modelling 

clay, then created a little mould and made

the birds with resin.

More sweets!

We made a photo display of our parents and

grandparents on their wedding days.

I used a zigzag stitch on the sewing machine to create

this appliqué welcome bunting

Menus created on Photoshop!

We painted terracotta plant pots in different

pastel colours to display the centrepieces.

Here are the bouquets and flower details...